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Online content that teaches controlling behaviour as 'normal'

Some online communities and influencers teach that monitoring your partner, controlling their behaviour, and using manipulation are normal parts of relationships. This content radicalises people — often young men — into believing abuse is acceptable.

What You Might Notice

  • Someone in your life starts using language about 'high value' people or 'alpha' behaviour

    This language often comes from communities that normalise control and dehumanise partners.

  • They talk about relationships in transactional terms

    Viewing relationships as exchanges of value rather than partnerships of equals is a red flag.

  • They justify monitoring or controlling behaviour as 'protecting' the relationship

    Framing surveillance as care is a learned pattern from these communities.

What You Can Do

  • Recognise the pattern

    If someone's attitude toward relationships has changed after consuming specific online content, the content may be the problem.

  • Talk to young people about what they're watching

    Many teenagers encounter this content through algorithm recommendations on YouTube, TikTok, and Instagram.

    Approach with curiosity, not judgement — 'what are you watching?' not 'that's terrible.'

Important: This resource provides general information, not personal advice. Every situation is different. The actions suggested here may not be safe in your specific circumstances — particularly if the person causing harm could notice changes to your devices or accounts. Always consider your physical safety first.

If you need personalised support, contact 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732) or your local specialist domestic violence service. If you are in immediate danger, call 000.

This framework is under active development. View full limitations & methodology.